Relief

First, I apologize. I know that I promised to write every day, but this week has pushed my focus into depressing, existential territory and I didn't think everyone wanted to read about me pouting for several days on end.

BIG NEWS

Dad was released from the hospital yesterday and he's doing much better. We've found out that he was most likely suffering from a tick born illness, but the doctors have still not pinned down which one it might've been. He entered the hospital with a fever, accompanied by dementia, of roughly 104 degrees that eventually spiked at 108. For right now, his temperature has stabilized and everything looks great.

YUM

I found a new favorite food while I was visiting the DC area recently. It's called Chile Spiced Mango (dried Mango seasoned with sugar and chile spices) from Trader Joe's. The Jen doesn't like them so we'll have to question her judgement once again, but I think they're one of the best new treats I've eaten in a long time. Best served with good beer, none of that light crap.

FITNESS

Time to drag my lazy ass back into the gym. The LA Fitness has finally opened about two blocks from our house and I don't have an excuse for my near-300 pound body weight any more. I'm no stranger to the gym, but I'm a lot intimidated, knowing how sore I'll be as soon as I start. Maybe I'll finally start taking cardio classes. Or I could shoot myself.

Bad Week

It's only Tuesday and it's already turning into a long week. I just found out that my dad is in the hospital again. It's a pretty common thing for him over the last several years as he's developed a number of ailments that seem to have the medical community stumped over how to treat them all together. I won't go into detail, since I know Dad'd be pretty pissed if I started releasing his personal information online. So, the rest of the week will be spent hoping for the best and making sure he and the rest of the Elk Mound faction of the Simon clan are getting everything they need to make sure they're OK.

My Child is a Better Person Than I (At Least More Reasonable)

I've had an ongoing conversation with my six-year-old daughter for the last couple of days. It started with me wondering if Dairy Queen still sells the "Crunch Coat" ice cream cone I used to love. The kid comes up with some wild idea involving going to the counter and actually asking one of the employees, while I prefer the time-honored method of ordering the item and acting unreasonably irritated when I learn they don't carry it any more. Somebody please back me up on this, I'm losing the argument.

PAIN

I've been with my wife for almost 16 years now (married for almost 13), and she's never been able to successfully tease me about anything for more than about 15 minutes. Now that I've started this blog, she's finally found something she can apparently latch on to for...well it's been about a week so far. It's gotten to the point where, if I mention the blog at all, she goes into an uncontrollable laughing fit. The worst part is I can't really defend myself, since I also find a high level of dork factor tied to the title of "Blogger". She's probably feeding off of the fear she's created in me right now....

LITERATURE

I'm working on two pieces right now, one a short essay, the other could turn into a book. The essay was born from a request from friends that I explain my argument that Rednecks, White Trash, and Hillbillies are three seperate, distinguishable subsects of humanity. Believe me, I have extended experience with all three, and not just in my family. I'll post the essay when it's finished. No promise on timeline.

The book, if it gets that long, is going to take place during one week in approximately 1978, and recount a vacation where my family visited my Uncle's farm in Tennessee. BTW...since my sister has chastised me for not writing for a couple of days, I'll tell you in advance that part of the story will involve her getting attacked by a locust that thought she was going to eat it.

COINCIDENCE?

I'm sure everyone noticed the story last week about the guy who showed up at the state Democratic Party Headquarters in Little Rock, AR and killed the party chair. The guy's home town was Searcy, AR. My dad used to live there, and I've spent some time there....I'm not really surprised.

This leads me back to the essay I mentioned earlier. Hillbilly is a lifestyle choice, Redneck is a state of mind, while White Trash is both a socio-economic subsect and a lifestyle choice. You'll have to wait 'til I'm finished to get the rest, I don't want to give it all away.

Back To Work

Finally got back to work today after 10 days in the DC area for the tax conference and to visit some friends. Several times today, I had to work pretty hard to remember how to do my job. I think I did well, all in all.

HOMECOMING

The stuffed Rottweilers (not real ones) I bought for the girls on my trip were received well. I took pictures of them while I was traveling and sightseeing, with all the important sights in the background. Having trouble uploading pics tonight, so I'll try again tomorrow.

HUMOR

My wife finds the new blog very funny. I'm not sure if she's actually laughing at the blog itself, or the fact that I created one. The Jen sometimes makes me wonder whether she's truly on my side.

Back to Reality

My long business trip/vacation is drawing to a close. I really enjoyed my time in the DC area, but I also really miss my wife and kids, not to mention my 63" TV (no offense to Mike & Christine). I got to see a lot of new sites that I either missed or didn't exist on past trips here and I had the "opportunity" to look pretty goofy dragging two stuffed animals around the DC area, taking pictures of them to help my kids stay connected with me and let them know where I was and what I was doing.

VICTORY

Yet another person has been added to the list of people who are much more of a man than I. For those who haven't heard this story, the people who had already made this list are, in no particular order:

1. Rulon Gardner, former US Olympian in Greco Roman Wrestling, though his other life experiences had just as much to do with why he's on the list.

2. Ann Bancroft, the woman who led the first all woman crew in a trek to cross the Antarctic.

3. Ronnie Lott, who had his little finger caught between two helmets when he played for the San Francisco 49'ers and had the end of his finger cut off so he could go back in for the second half.

4. The guy who survived a shark attack in Australia a few years ago because, as the shark got the guy's head and right shoulder in it's mouth, he stabbed it in the toungue while he was punching the fish in the eye.

The newest addition to the list is, of course, Michael Phelps, the first person to win 8 gold medals in the same Olympic games. Of course you already knew that, unless you've been hiding out in your media proof bunker all week. I used to think I was a strong swimmer, but....ah, forget it.

strong like bull I am
lithe like swimmer I am not
a silly dream fades

Mute

My DC friends (The Schelble's plus Greg Schelble) and I witnessed Michael Phelps' 7th gold medal win at a bar tonight. Unbelievable finish to a great race. The crowd made it far more exciting than watching it alone, like I watched his first couple of wins while I was in Baltimore earlier this week. Much funnier though, was his apparent discussion with Mark Spitz (Phelps' tied his record seven gold medals in one olympics with his win tonight). While everything seemed civil, we couldn't hear what was being said during a conversation that seemed to be painfully long to Phelps. While he looked like he was gracious enough, I do hope there was a certain amount of disdain for Spitz running through his head. No particular reason, the conversation I imagined was just funnier that way.

POLITICS

There was a lot of dicussion tonight on our favorite Democratic candidates for the 2008 election. I've been a big supporter for Hillary, but my support for Ms. Clinton has been shaken recently by her decision to make such a big showing at the DNC convention. I was hoping she'd be a more gracious loser and show more interest in making sure the right side won this time around. I'm seriously hoping that she wakes up and realizes that it would be in the best interest of the party for her to shut up and accept that she lost. If the democrats lose this election, we didn't deserve to win it.

HOME

While I'm really enjoying my time here in DC (actually, Alexandria, VA), I can't wait to get home. I'm really missing my wife, kids, my fish tank, and the cooler Minnesota temperatures.


can not describe the
comfort of A/C coolness
in DC humid heat

I know, I'll work on my creativity when I'm not sweating through my sheets.

Long Day

no creative thoughts
only tired from six mile trek
write more tomorrow

New Experiences in DC

I'll start out by thanking my good friends Mike and Christine Schelble for reminding me of my deep felt hatred for slow pitch, co-ed softball. I'd been considering joining the teams of a couple of friends back home since I haven't played in awhile, but after watching their game tonight, no chance. Visited three new museums today, The Holocaust Memorial, The National Museum of the American Indian and The Hirshhorn. The Holocaust Memorial was incredible. For the most part, I wasn't as moved as I thought I would be, because I've done a lot of research on Nazi Germany and WWII. I've seen most of the images that were in the Memorial, but the films and images of the children and young people that were killed still make my stomach completely turn. On a lighter note, the American Indian Museum was a little disappointing because of a lack of information tied to the exhibits. The Hirsshorn would have been wasted on me except for two exhibits, one was a retrospective on the movie, "Dog Day Afternoon" that used the actual person who committed the actual bank robbery to show what actually happened back in 1972. The coolest exhibit showed a long running video loop called "How Things Go". I don't remember the artist's name, but it was a long video loop that showed a wildly souped up version of the mousetrap game that seemed to go on forever.

Here's my question for the day: Are all of us mid-westerners completely ignorant jackasses? I found myself continually thanking a god I don't believe in for my iPod so I didn't have to listen to self absorbed morons tell their families and friends completely false bullshit about the Holocaust. Show some respect, dumbasses, and learn something about history. Or at least shut up and appreciate the pure hell another human being has suffered without comparing their experience to that time when you were hungry for the PB&J you only had to get from the fridge!

This is dumb.

Here it is, the quiet beginning to something that, I hope, will lead to the redevelopment of my writing skills. I promise to write something everyday, whether it's daily activities, my opinion, fiction, or maybe even Haiku. Unfortunately, I have a notoriously short attention span, so we'll just have to see how this goes. To my family and friends, I apologize in advance.